Have you ever experienced a moment where you’re dealing with a tough situation, confiding in a friend, only to be told, “Just stay positive”? Instead of feeling comforted, you’re left with more frustration than before. Or perhaps you’ve come across the now-ubiquitous “Good Vibes Only” mugs on a store shelf, and your first instinct is to cringe. Why do these well-meaning, seemingly harmless phrases feel so grating? Are you being overly negative, or is it possible that you are simply reacting to the pervasive culture of toxic positivity?
What Is Toxic Positivity?
Positivity, in its purest form, is undeniably beneficial. It encourages us to adopt an optimistic view of life, fostering growth and hope. However, when positivity becomes a force that demands we be happy at all costs, regardless of what we’re actually feeling, it turns toxic. Unlike true optimism, which acknowledges adversity while focusing on the potential for improvement, toxic positivity insists on maintaining a cheerful outlook at all times, even when circumstances are difficult.
Joanna Filidor, LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist), describes toxic positivity as the belief that we must remain relentlessly upbeat, even when the situation is undeniably tough. While a friend might occasionally tell you to “look on the bright side” as a way to cheer you up, if such advice becomes the default response in every difficult circumstance, it can feel deeply invalidating. It can shut down meaningful conversations about the struggles you’re facing. Toxic positivity is, in essence, the more aggressive, more persistent cousin of regular positivity—one that makes you feel worse for feeling bad.
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The Problem with Toxic Positivity
As discussions surrounding wellness, mental health, and emotional growth have become more mainstream, toxic positivity has subtly woven itself into our conversations about happiness and how we deal with life’s challenges. On the surface, the idea of promoting positivity sounds beneficial—who would want to encourage more negativity?
However, there is a crucial difference between being positive in the face of hardship and forcing positivity when it doesn’t fit the situation. Friends and loved ones who genuinely want to help might turn to positive affirmations simply because they don’t know what else to say. As Filidor points out, “Often, toxic positivity stems from a lack of knowledge about how to support someone who is struggling.” Unfortunately, this approach often ends up minimizing the gravity of the person’s feelings, pushing them to feel that their emotions are wrong or unwelcome.
For example, when someone is told to “just stay positive” after a traumatic event or personal loss, it creates a sense of shame when their emotions don’t align with that directive. They might start to feel like there’s something wrong with them for not being able to shift their perspective or find happiness immediately. Rather than fostering a healthier mindset, toxic positivity can make individuals feel isolated, less likely to reach out for help, and more burdened by the weight of their unacknowledged emotions.
How Toxic Positivity Hurts Mental Health
Toxic positivity doesn’t just fail to help—it can actively harm mental health. Filidor notes that when people feel compelled to suppress negative emotions in favor of a cheerful outlook, they often internalize their distress. This can lead to feelings of guilt, confusion, or even resentment. The pressure to maintain a “good vibes only” mentality can make individuals feel disconnected from their true emotions, which ultimately prevents them from addressing the underlying issues causing their discomfort.
In a world where wellness culture is often depicted as constantly striving for happiness and success, toxic positivity paints an unrealistic picture of what it means to be healthy. Acknowledging pain, fear, sadness, and frustration is part of being human. Denying or hiding these emotions in favor of forced optimism doesn’t make them disappear—it merely pushes them to the background, where they are more likely to resurface in unhealthy ways.
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How to Recognize and Avoid Toxic Positivity
The first step in avoiding toxic positivity is to recognize the difference between healthy optimism and toxic positivity. Healthy optimism is about acknowledging that life can be difficult while maintaining the belief that things can improve. Resilience works hand-in-hand with optimism, as it involves facing challenges head-on and learning how to bounce back from adversity. In contrast, toxic positivity seeks to ignore or reject negative feelings altogether, leaving no space for the necessary emotional work that resilience requires.
Filidor emphasizes that to truly build resilience, it is essential to face adversity directly. “Acknowledging the problem is the first step toward healing,” she advises. Instead of trying to simply dismiss difficult emotions, resilience involves learning to cope with them effectively.
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One practical way to do this is by building a support system. Filidor recommends cultivating relationships with friends and family who can offer understanding and comfort during tough times. It’s also helpful to develop self-care routines and take time for self-reflection, which allows for emotional processing without the need to rush through feelings of discomfort. Having a solid network of people you can trust or knowing which coping mechanisms help you feel grounded can make it easier to weather the more challenging moments in life.
Another way to combat toxic positivity is by reframing negative situations. This does not mean denying your feelings, but rather recognizing that there may be multiple perspectives on any given situation. For example, when dealing with a difficult period, reminding yourself of past struggles you’ve overcome can help provide hope and context. It’s about allowing yourself to feel the emotions you’re experiencing while also remembering that difficult times do eventually pass.
The Role of Social Media in Toxic Positivity
Social media platforms like Instagram and Pinterest can often be hotbeds for toxic positivity. Statements like “Good vibes only” or “Everything happens for a reason” are prevalent across posts, memes, and even infographics. These platitudes, while seemingly innocent, can inadvertently push individuals toward rejecting the reality of their emotional experiences.
In the age of curated lives on social media, it’s easy to feel like everyone else has it all together. The rise of “aspirational” accounts—whether focused on interior design, fitness, or personal success—can leave people feeling inadequate, especially when their own life doesn’t seem to match the perfectly polished images they see online. This comparison game can exacerbate feelings of loneliness, shame, and disconnection, making it harder for individuals to process their own emotions.
Filidor suggests curating your social media feeds in a way that promotes emotional health. If you notice that certain accounts leave you feeling worse, it might be time to unfollow or mute them. Taking control of what you consume online is an essential step in protecting your mental well-being. Reflecting on how you feel after seeing particular posts can help you better understand which types of content support your mental health and which ones contribute to feelings of inadequacy or distress.
Embracing the Full Spectrum of Human Emotion
The key to avoiding toxic positivity lies in learning to embrace the full spectrum of human emotions. It’s okay to feel sad, anxious, or frustrated—these emotions are part of being human. When we reject them or push them aside in favor of forced optimism, we deny ourselves the opportunity to fully process and heal from life’s challenges.
Filidor encourages individuals to be more accepting of uncomfortable emotions. “It’s okay to make mistakes,” she adds. “It’s okay to not have everything figured out.” Cultivating a mindset that allows for both positive and negative emotions fosters emotional resilience and personal growth.
Toxic positivity is pervasive, but it can be managed. By focusing on resilience, reframing difficult situations, and curating our social media feeds, we can protect ourselves from the harmful effects of forced optimism. The goal is not to ignore or suppress negative emotions but to acknowledge them and allow space for healing. True emotional growth comes from accepting the full range of our feelings, not just the positive ones.
By recognizing the signs of toxic positivity and shifting towards a more balanced approach, we can navigate life’s challenges in a way that supports our emotional well-being and promotes genuine growth.
